Who’s going to bring the drama to the FA cup final?By Editor
The FA Cup final is nearly here. It's so near you can smell it, and it smells glorious.
Well, actually, it smells ok in the sort of sense that it could go either way. We're looking at a smelly stalemate resulting in a miserable 30 minutes of extra time where a measly tap-in is scored, or it might be a rose-scented 12-goal thriller, with Bentekkers going head to head with Giroud to the last second.
But apart from who wins, what drama can we expect? This is, of course, two teams of the Premier League competing - the most dramatic league on earth. So, really, it should be at boiling point.
Let's look at the key players who will throw up the most fuss:
The last tickets that the FA handed out weren't generously given to an elderly duo of loveable footy fans or some sickly children, no, they were given to, erm, space. That's right, the FA thought it would be funny to send a pair of final tickets to space. They were apparently sent from the centre circle at Wembley and will probably return at great velocity on Cazorla's ankle during a lacklustre run in the box. Just like that time a dormouse sneezed on his heel against West Brom.
He's looking for an escape route and this could be it. All the Belgian needs to do is sneak on to the Arsenal bench, adorned in their kit, and act natural. Wenger will probably love it as he's really into starting overly expensive strikers who don't score anywhere near as much as they should. Ahem, Danny Welbeck, ahem. Cough, 4 goals in 25 appearances, cough.
If anyone's wondering where the tears are going to come from, you're best bet is young Thomas. He always looks on the verge of crying and the face he made when he held up Villa's claret and blue home kit was a look of shame and despair. If Villa lose, he'll have left Man United for nothing so expect Gascoigne style weeping.
I doubt he'll bring much drama, but I just hope someone lamps him for the awful video he did to promote the final. While the other two, Mertesacker and Koscielny, look like they are just fulfilling a contractual obligation, Ramsey is really feeling himself. And that, my friends, is disgusting.
Gabby isn't the sharpest tool in the shed, but luckily you don't need brains to run really, really fast. Until now, however, his denseness hasn't been too detrimental. So let's hope the magnitude of the event goes to his head and he runs very fast into the side bar or sends a ball skyrocketing into Prince Will's gob (but not little George, though; we're not evil). Better still, I'd love it if he spooned a free kick into those geeks from ArsenalFanTV.
Lovely Theo Walcott doesn't really kick up much of a fuss, so it may be surprising that he's on here. But I have a theory that there's something bubbling under the surface that's waiting to be unleashed. Lest we forget the time the winger allegedly headbutted Sean Lennon over a roulette table in Las Vegas. Ok, that was a rumour that floated about Arsenal forums in an attempt to make him seem like a hardman, but who's to say that he'll accidentally get sent off instead of Gibbs and nut the ref? Only time will tell.
With drama promised by the FIFA scandal-load, let's hope that the winner is football.