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Seven things we learnt this weekend

By Editor
Seven things we learnt this weekend

The weekend is a magical time for everyone. You can let off some steam, stuff your face at moderately fancy eateries, eat disgusting and/or delicious junk food from your local takeaway, go for a walk in the countryside or you can just roll around in bed watching Netflix.

It really is up to you.

But there's one thing people don't realise: that sometimes the weekend is also a time for learning. Here's what we learnt this two-day break.

No one can win Ninja Warrior UK, apparently

It has captivated a nation over the past few weeks and on Saturday it ended. But was it the spectacular final we all hoped it would be? Not exactly. In fact, no one actually managed to complete the second part of the course. In fairness, it looked impossible. As I lay there in a carb-incited stupor, with crisp crumbs gathered around my face, I watched in wonder as  Timothy Shieff summoned his vegan superpowers to boss the 'salmon ladder'.


Jack Wilshere needs to learn how to drink responsibly

So you've won the FA Cup two seasons in a row? That don't impress me much. Only joking, fair play to you. However, what isn't impressive is getting off your face and ruining the chic allure of Arsenal Football Club. I bet poor Wenger choked on his duck liver parfait when he saw Wilshere's attempts to stir the tour bus crowd.


Clever dogs can win you £250,000

Important life lesson: don't spend time learning elaborate magic tricks or dance routines, you just need a clever dog. It happened with that Pudsey mutt that won it a few years back and it happened again this year. So head to your nearest dog home and grab a few canines now and start working on something now. Hint: try mixing it up a bit, like teaching the dog to perform card tricks or a stand-up comedy set.   


Sepp Blatter is indestructible

On Friday, a man who most mafia bosses would describe as 'a bit dodgy' was re-elected as the president of FIFA. With that came an avalanche of articles calling for his head. So what does he do? He basically accuses the world of being against him and carries on with his day. Maybe at this point, he could be caught drowning puppies in Lake Zurich in front a class of nursery children and still keep his job.


Lionel Messi is a magician

Either these are the worst defenders in the world or they need to invent a new league in Spain where Messi has some competition. But it would be just Messi against robot Messis.


Shia LeBeouf is your spirit animal

Everyone thinks they’re an artist these days. Kanye apparently invented leather running pants, A$AP Rocky called his new album a 'project' and now Shia is having a pop at it. It seems the actor has fallen in with another East London crowd after he got into a fracas in New Cross a few years back. This time, he helped out Central Saint Martins students with an art project, or at least, that's what they told him. If you were ever in need of some #MondayMotivation, then just watch this on loop for an hour.


Richard Blackwood doesn't know what lemon zest is

Sunday Brunch is a safe haven for celebrities to talk about their recent work whilst pretending that they actually cook meals and aren't nourished by ready meals or posh sounding chain restaurants. But the cracks started to appear to the public when Richard Blackwood didn't know what zest was. Wherever RB was for all those years when he was lost in the wilderness, it wasn't making marmalade.


Tagged: weekend, richard blackwood, arsenal

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