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How to get the ultimate hangover!

By Emma
How to get the ultimate hangover!

By now alcohol is probably a familiar friend. You may have dabbled with the occasional post-alcohol headache, but you ain’t seen nothing yet. It is every student’s right; nay, duty to set an entirely new precedent for unimaginable hangover misery during their first year of university.

Tell-tale hangover signs include brain-pummelling headaches, chundering everywhere, the sweats, diarrhea, thirst, aches and pains, utter despair, and a strong dose of drinker’s remorse.

It would be unthinkable to miss out on university rite of passage, so we’ve tried and tested The Student Guide’s Fool-Proof Formula for the Ultimate Hangover, just for you.

Step 1: Don’t eat before you go out

Eating before you drink will only absorb the precious alcohol, reducing your chances of scoring a really nasty hangover.

Step 2: Pre-drink, Pre-drink, Pre-drink

Pre-drinking is all about saving money. Drinks in clubs and pubs are pricey, so to make pre-drinking as effective as possible, try and drink something as cheap and alcoholic as you can find.

Step 3: Mix drinks

Try one of everything, preferably all in the same cup. Ring of Fire is a great game for creating excellent home-made cocktails, infused with the various flavours of cheap booze.

Step 4: Drink dark liquors

Darker beverages (red wine, dark rum, whisky) are pumped with more chemicals than lighter drinks. More chemicals = worse hangover, kerching!

Step 5: Champagne

The more decadent the drink, the worse the hangover. As an added bonus, splashing out on champagne is an almost guaranteed way of feeling some hardcore drinker’s remorse.

Step 6: Ignore your instincts

If you feel as though you’ve reached your alcohol limits, man up and down it, fresher.

Step 7: Avoid water

Hangovers work because booze dehydrates you. If you drink water throughout the night, you will dilute the alcohol in your body, which will in-turn stop your head from feeling like it’s been run over.

Step 8: Have a one-night stand

Drunken one-night stands are a major cause of drinker’s remorse. Once your beer goggles have slipped off, the morning after can be really awkward. If you have sozzled-sex without using a condom, you could end up with a serious STI hangover.

Step 9: Do stupid things

Lose your keys, spend all your money, throw up in taxis, get in a fight – be as inventive as you like! The more idiotic you behave whilst drunk, the more idiotic and repentant you’ll feel when you wake up.

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