The craziest Black Friday deals you can buy on AmazonBy Editor
Black Friday is here and there have been some amazing scenes already. People have spent hours in the cold outside supermarkets across the country, looking for some level of bargain.
Some of these deals have been decent, especially when it comes to TVs: the centerpiece of every home. However, along the way, some outlets have tried to trick us by putting ridiculous items up, as if they were needful things in the first place. One website, Amazon, are perhaps the biggest culprits of this.
So, in an attempt to celebrate this day of unbridled consumerism, here is a compilation of the best Amazon has had to offer.
Vivid Arts Size-A Real Life Squirrel - Red
You've spent years, if not decades, shaping your garden into the triumph you've always dreamed of. However, there's always been something missing, and is probably the reason why people have avoided your requests for a yard party over the years. But that is about to all change, as you can now buy a life size squirrel ornament for your lawn. Looks like Jill and Mike might be coming to your winter barbecue after all when they hear of your latest purchase. (By the way, it's available for evening delivery should you be in the mood for some kind of soiree tonight)
SUCK UK Cat Scratching DJ Deck
What's a cat scratching DJ deck? Erm, where have you been, pal? It's only the finest feline playtoy this side of the Northern Hemisphere. What's more, it will only cost you just over £10 for the honour of everyone thinking you have the coolest cat in town, and you can't put a price on that (apart from £11.89)
Vivid Arts Never Leave Our Hearts Guinea Pig Statue in Natural Stone
Missing that special someone who has passed away? Are you looking for an utterly tasteful way of remembering him/her? Amazon have just the thing: a statue of your beloved guinea pig (not that they knew what it looked like) with some lovely words inscribed next to it. This is yet to go on sale as I write this, but we can only assume whatever the price, it will be an absolute steal.
Lee Men's Brooklyn Comfort Straight Jeans
Ever wanted to spend over the odds for a style of jeans that you can easily purchase from Asda's George range? These are yet to go on sale, but it's best you check in on when the deal is up, or else your dad won't be asking to borrow them any time soon.
CÎROC Coconut Vodka 70 cl
As Rick Ross once boasted: "Ciroc, no glass, smiling women in my presence, tall supermodels always fall in my possession". As a result, the youth of today learnt that to meet attractive people they had to show off their Ciroc, as it is signifies how rich you are. Well now you can buy it a fraction of a price (£26.66), and still look like a baller.
Kerbl Couch Monaco, 116 x 76 x 24 cm
"No, Buster, get off my human sofa, you idiot. This is for people, not dumb dogs" is something you hear wherever you turn when you're strolling through the suburbs, right?
Well, it seems that that frequent occurrence is to die out very soon because Amazon are kindly dropping the price of their dog couch for this special day. It's down from 137 quid to a mere 88 now. Get it now before Buster obeys his canine instincts and compassionately attempts to cuddle up to you again!
Alan Titchmarsh Bypass Secateur
Secateurs aren't secateurs unless they have been endorsed by a proper garderner, ennit? And 'Alan Titchmarsh' is exactly that, and a whole lot more. Daytime TV presenter, Nighttime TV presenter and erotic fiction novelist, he's done it all, and he's also a peddler of gardening utensils. So buy these now, so you can finally trim that bonsai tree that is SO on trend right now. It's a SNIP at only £6.99.
Wisdom Panel Insights Dog DNA Test
Does your alleged Pyrenean mountain dog that you bought off a guy called Dave in KFC look more like someone sellotaped papier-mâché and goose down to a tom cat? Then it's time you bought a dog DNA test. Sadly, though, the deal is over and it is currently £53.24 to find out more about your dog, meaning you'll just have to wait till next time.
As the nationals are reporting, people are going hog wild out there at the moment. So stay safe, sharpen your elbows and get ready to grab something needless at marginally less than the usual retail value. Happy Black Friday!