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Fresher fails

By TheStudentGuide
Fresher fails

Freshers’ is upon us - all manner of shame awaits you.

We all remember Freshers', that most glamorous of times – we ate and drank in sophisticated restaurants, we visited the theatre and indulged in all manner of high class activities. Not really, we all got wrecked and passed out in our own vom. And, don’t try to argue with it.

So here's a checklist - max kudos for everyone who has done (and admits to doing) 10 or more of the following:

  1. Been sick in your bin. Hell, some of us have been sick in (and had to dispose of) multiple bins. And our friends’ bins. Just make sure to always keep a plastic bag in there and you should be safe.

  1. Pulled someone who has just vommed. It’s not our fault, we didn’t know, and at the time we quite frankly didn’t care – they didn’t smell that bad anyway. Cue morning after...

  1. Stolen a flatmate's food. It was only a little bit of milk, a couple of slices of bread, a small pack of sausages. Sometimes it has to be done, just make sure to dispose of the evidence sharpish!

  1. Run out of money. “Hey dad...” We’ve all done it and we’ll all do it again. Sometimes the bank of mum and dad just has to be called upon for a loan. It wasn’t your fault though, we know that – it was those damned pesky advertising campaigns. They're so colourful...

  1. Taken your shoes off to walk home and mislaid one of them en route. It doesn’t matter (obviously) because thanks to the loan of mum and dad you’ve got a few extra pairs handy in the wardrobe. But it would be nice to know where it went, if just for curiosity's sake...

  1. Walked the walk of shame. Walk of shame horror stories vary – some aren’t that terrible (nipping across the hallway or down the stairs to a nearby flat), but trekking halfway across town in last night’s attire because you can’t afford the bus is no joke. Oh and speaking or buses, try to avoid fellow students off to early morning lectures queuing for their transportation.

  1. Fallen asleep in a club. The music’s great obviously, and you’re having a great time, but if you could just rest you head for one tiny second...

  1. Fallen for a lecturer (already?!?!?!). Some lecturers are just hot ok. No one needs to know anyway, you can just nurture your new found love until they pass you on next year. Does make one-on-ones a little tense though.

  1. Been drawn on. The less permanent the pen the better, but you can put money on the fact that some bright spark has purposely bought one that just will not come off. Good luck at lectures in the morning.

  1. Missed some kind of induction. Inductions are a necessary evil – some are useful and some are entirely un-useful but you’re coerced into going to them all. The night before though, they all seem to fall into the latter category, and that way staying for just one more little drinkie doesn’t seem too irresponsible. Heck, even five down the line you’re still on top of the game, but that sixth one...

  1. Been ‘Buckarooed’. No not sexually. You know that thing when someone passes out and everyone piles the most amount of rubbish on top of them that they can possibly lay their hands on until said person attempts to get up? Yeah, that’s Buckaroo.

  1. Set off the smoke alarm. So when you came in last night those smiley faces seemed like a sterling idea. Cut to 5am and the smoke alarm going off with everyone around you cursing the day you were born and those blackened smiley faces are not so smiley any more...

  1. Got the dirty pint. STUPID.Ring.Of.Fire.

Got anything else you'd like to 'fess up to? Let us know by leaving a comment below.

Tagged: vom, sick, funny, freshers, drinking

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