Flatmate Horror StoriesBy Emma
Disgusting, annoying, weird, horny. You’re sure to meet all sorts of housemates at uni...
“I was helping my lady friend move her stuff into her room. Let us call her "Angela" (that totally is not her name) - it took 2 entire days, mostly because she brought every damn thing from her room at home to her dorm.
The first night involved lots of alcohol. Early the next morning, her mum arrived with a mattress, which I had to bring up 2 sets of stairs. Cause it was crazy hard work, and I am a whiny bitch, I ended up getting into a fight with Angela and had to sleep on the sofa in the kitchen.
After about half an hour she comes in and sits next to me, but doesn't say anything... So I figured this was the make-up time! So I gradually and slyly did the ol' arm slip and hugs and such. Turns out it wasn’t Angela, it was her mum. I didn’t help anybody move in ever again.”
“My friend Guy got chased around the halls courtyard naked by a man in a gorilla suit”
“In halls my Irish neighbour used to bring different girls home every week. He used to make me and our other flatmate go into his room and 'rate' them once they had erm... finished and she was asleep. Weird eh! Once a girl woke up whilst we were rating her. Awkward!
“My uni bf had a horrific housemate who one night got so drunk he woke up sh*tting himself and ran naked through the house to the bathroom dribbling liquid puddles of poo behind him. He left it for us to discover the next morning when we were getting ready for lectures.”
“Once I caught a grubby looking bloke trying to break into our house. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he casually shrugged his shoulders, said he’d “got the wrong house” and staggered off.”
“A boy was so drunk at a flat party of mine once that he staggered into an alcove in our kitchen, mistook it for a toilet, and pissed all over himself.”
“I have to admit that when I lived in a house with seven other girls in my second year, we weren’t the most house proud lot. One fairly pathetic story was when we called our landlord to complain that our microwave was rubbish and had broken. The handy man came out and promptly informed us that the reason it wasn’t heating our food was because it was SO DIRTY that it physically couldn’t work. How is that even possible?! He advised us to have a go at cleaning it. He was a very nice man and we were to meet many times over the year.
The ALL TIME LOW was when our Landlord went mental at the end of the year because it turned out human faeces (UGH) had been falling out of the sewage pipes into our back garden. AH! The garden was horrible so we never actually went out there, but that is horrendously foul.”
“In halls, a few unlucky people got put in shared rooms. These relationships sometimes worked really well but there were a few disasters. From the first day a slightly odd girl called Sarah didn’t really speak to anyone and mostly sat in front of her TV wearing earphones. Now being antisocial is fine but walking around your shared room in front of your roomie with a naked bottom half is NOT fine. Awkward! Where on earth was her roommate supposed to look!? Even worse she used to step up onto the desk and stretch the close the window PANTLESS, just before she went to bed every night, creating a very bad angle for our friend who was trying to ignore the situation.”
“I lost my keys at a nightclub and had to spend 3 hours in a nearby takeaway before I finally was able to wake up my house mate to let me in. I got a new set cut, and I lost them again 5 days later.”
You can read all these stories and more in the latest edition of The Student Guide magazine
We’d love to hear all about your gross flatmates!